i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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