Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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