question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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