At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
