are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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