you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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