did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
