dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize