You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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