I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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