A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
