4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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