I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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