did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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