Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
