How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
