I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
