its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
