Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
