Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
