She said her name was "party"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
