apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ttyl tear gas
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
