We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize