If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
