I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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