He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Everything about him screamed your future.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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