that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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