Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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