There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
