I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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