I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
