He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
