I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
