So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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