At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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