drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize