don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
