i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
