Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
