I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
