Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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