I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
