It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
