Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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