Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize