Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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