I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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