toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
