suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
