When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
