Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
