sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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