my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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