i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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