Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
