this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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