wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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