my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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