Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
