I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
