Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
