New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
