ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
