what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
