I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
