I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
