Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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