so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
