he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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